Our Year In Review

It is hard to believe that yet another year has passed us by. I remember when I was little it seemed as if a year lasted forever, but as I get older the time just seems to fly by, especially now that I have Ellie.

The year 2014 has brought some good times, but it has also brought our family some very sad times as well. On Facebook, each time I log in it tries to get me to publish my “year in review.” Although it is a cute idea, I just could not get my year in review to truly portray how our year went, so I decided to blog our “year in review” instead.

January

The year 2014 started out very quiet, which to us is a very nice way to start out the year! The big news of this month was that Ellie finally had enough hair for her first hair bow! Ellie was doing a lot of walking and exploring. Looking back at these pictures she looks so very tiny compared to what she is now.

February- March

I finally made the appointment with the fertility clinic to move forward with plans for a gestational carrier. The appointment ended up going a completely different way than expected, and the doctor suggested a surgery that could help me to carry a baby closer to term. Tanner and I decided to think about it, pray about it, and get opinions from some of my other doctors to see if they would all be on board with this surgery and plan for me to carry a baby.

February also brought Robby’s second birthday/angelversary. This year since the weather was nice we were able to take Ellie out for a trip to the cemetery. She absolutely loved being there, and as we were getting ready to leave, our little girl who at the time was not talking much waved and said “bye” to Robby as we left.

This month was also Ellie’s first zoo visit. It is safe to say that Ellie is very much like her Mama and MiMi in the sense that she does not care too much for the zoo! We ended up going only a handful of times!

April

On April 15, we celebrated “Ellie Day!” Ellie day is her half birthday, and therefore we celebrate her that day! She turned 18 months old and my goodness she certainly loved (and still does love) to be outside!

Ellie enjoyed Easter very much! Ellie loves candy, so she was very happy to know that the Easter Bunny left her some sugary treats! She also enjoyed looking for her sparkly eggs that the Easter Bunny left in her yard!

May

May was a busy month in our household! Ellie had her first fever since she was in the hospital after she was born. Luckily, her fever was only due to teething, but it certainly was sad to watch her not feel well!

This is the month that my precious little girl discovered her love for Hello Kitty. Yes, this was quite the proud mama moment for me! She still loves Hello Kitty!

After a lot of thought, prayer, and input from different doctors, Tanner and I made the decision for me to have the surgery in order to carry another child. It was an intense decision for me and Tanner to make, but at the end of May I had the surgery done to have a transabdominal cerclage placed. You can read more about the appointment with the fertility doctor here

June

This was an extremely hard month in our household because we lost someone who was very special to us.My grandfather, Pop Pop, passed away on June 3. It was very sudden and unexpected because he had been doing so well. Pop-Pop is the person who Robby (Robert) was named after. Pop Pop was such a special person to my mom, dad, brother, Tanner, Ellie, and me. It has been really hard not having Pop Pop here with us. His birthday, Thanksgiving, Father’s Day, Grandparents Day, Christmas, and every other day in between brings heartache for us as we miss him  so very much. When Robby died it was as if I felt empty, and when Pop Pop died, I felt the same way, empty and lost. I am so sad that Ellie will not have any memories with Pop Pop, but I know that Pop Pop and Robby are together watching over us and sending us their love. Because of this unexpected event, the month of June was spent making arrangements for Pop Pop’s funeral as well as going through his personal items and getting his affairs in order. It was a very emotional time for us, especially my mom.

The glimmer of happiness in the month of June was that we had a very special visit from some very special people. Pat, her husband Jim, Barbie, and her husband Sam came over for a visit! Pat is Ellie’s “blankie maker,” and as I have mentioned before, Ellie is quite the blankie girl! It was so exciting for me and Ellie to meet Pat, Jim, Barbie, and Sam not only because Ellie loves blankie so much,  but because they have been huge supporters of Ellie from day one!

This year Tanner and I made a very big, and a very personal decision to legally change our last name. We went through the court to legally change his, mine, and Ellie’s last names to my maiden name after a lot of thought and consideration. We did not want Robby to be left out of our new family name, so we changed his headstone to reflect our new name. I was not happy with Robby’s original stone when it was placed back in 2012 because it was not right and not what we had ordered. When we changed our name we also changed his headstone and  we were also able to make his stone a little bit larger and add a vase! We learned this year that Ellie loves to be at the cemetery, but I will have a blog that is devoted to that topic later this year.

July  

In July we started the month off by celebrating the 4th of July. Ellie did not care for the fireworks, but she did enjoy the “poppers” that you can throw on the ground! She had so much fun with those!

Since June had been such a heart wrenching month, my mom and I decided we just needed to get away for awhile, so we made a short trip to Branson, Missouri! It was a fun trip for  us, and it was nice to get away! While we were on this trip Ellie had two big milestones!

First, she was able to swim in her first "big" pool and she loved it!

The second “milestone” is that Ellie got her ears pierced! She did great!

July was also the month that we had our very first (of many to come) playdate with my dear friend Ariel, and her daughter Briar. Ariel and I met when we were on swim team together, and we were best friends in high school. Ariel is the person who introduced me and Tanner. After high school we drifted apart, but we still remained part of each others lives. Ellie and Briar were actually born only four days apart from each other. I think that it was fate that our girls were born literally days apart. Briar and Ellie have become best friends, and Ariel and I have been able to reconnect, which makes my heart so very happy. The past three years I have lost most of my friends. From my health issues, to Robby’s death, to being a homebody during my pregnancy with Ellie, to having Ellie in the NICU for so long, to being in isolation during the long months of flu and RSV season, not many friends have stuck around- and I can’t blame them! I am so thankful for the ones that have hung in there with me and I am so thankful for Ariel’s friendship because I know that I am not an easy person to be friends with a lot of the time because of things that I have not yet discussed here on this blog. However, I am now ready and I do plan to expand upon this in the coming year!

August

In August we decided to take another quick trip out of town to visit my Aunt Kimme and Uncle Warren in Texas! We had so much fun while we were there! We shopped, swam, and Ellie was able to meet her cousin, Micah! It was a wonderful trip!

In last years blog I mentioned that in the year 2014 Tanner and I wanted to do something to honor Robby. We decided after a lot of thought that we wanted to collect tiny hats and tiny blankets to donate to the hospital where Robby was born in his honor. To read more about this project Click Here. Project Robby has produced more hats and blankets than we ever imagined. We have not posted our final count or made our donation yet,  but plan to do so by the end of January or early February 2015!

September

Ellie  not only discovered My Little Pony, but she fell in love with My Little Pony! I had been planning a Winnie the Pooh themed second birthday party for her, but when we went to the party store, she insisted on My Little Pony!

Ellie got her very first haircut in September from one of our very good friends, Megan. Ellie wasn’t too sure about it, but she did very well while Megan cut her hair! We are so very thankful for such a good friend who will make house visits to do our hair!

October

This year, Ellie turned two. I just can not even believe how quickly she is growing up! She amazes us every single day, and I just love her so very much. Ellie wakes up running and does not slow down until she crashes into bed at the end of the day. She is developmentally right on track, and although she is still on the small side, her size is just fine.

It was very difficult to get Ellie’s 2 year pictures because she is very stubborn and moving all of the time! She had a great second birthday party with close friends and family, and of course, the theme was My Little Pony!

This year although we continue to be extremely careful, we are not in isolation like previous years! This is very difficult for us because using extreme caution has just become our “normal.” This year we got out in the stores, but if we heard too much coughing or sniffing, we would leave the store we were in.

Ellie loved Halloween, because she absolutely loves candy! This year, Ellie dressed up as Pebbles Flintstone! Tanner and I thought it would be fun to make it a family costume event and dress up as well, so we dressed up as Fred and Wilma!

During October Ellie got sick for the first time since she has been home. Ellie ran a fever and had a runny nose, but the good news is that it was very short and she was fine. It was a hard couple of days, but Ellie did great. Thank goodness!

My mom and I stumbled across someone selling puppies one day shortly after Ellie's birthday, and I ended up going home with one as my graduation present from my mom! It had been almost a year since Barbie died, and I was really feeling the urge to have a new puppy. Latte is a toy poodle, and has quickly become part of our family. At the same time that we brought Latte home, my dad brought home some kitties! Their mother died when they were only a couple of weeks old, and he rescued them! One of the kitties now lives with my aunt in Texas, and the other two live with us! It is like a circus here in the Smith house! My mom likes to say: “4 adults, 3 dogs, 2 kittens, 1 energetic toddler, and a partridge in a pear tree!”

November

In November we moved my grandmother (Nanny) from one retirement home to another! The one that she lives at now is much closer to us, and we have really enjoyed being able to see her more often!

December

We  celebrated Ellie’s “Coming Home Day.” I think that this will always be an important day to us because it is the day our dream came true.

Christmas was so much fun this year! Ellie loved opening presents and playing with all of the new, fun toys that she received! She had a personal visit from Santa, and after we bribed her with M&M’s she finally sat in his lap and smiled for some pictures! Christmas day truly was wonderful!

I graduated from Fort Hays State University with a bachelor of science in Psychology. Due to many life altering obstacles, finishing college was a rough road  but I did it, and I am glad that I pushed through. I plan to write a blog in the coming months about my college experience and what I learned during my time in college. However, I want to take this opportunity to thank my family for supporting me during my years in college. It was not easy, and I certainly could not have done it without their love and support.

At the end of each Facebook “year in review” it says “It’s been a great year!” Well, I would be lying if I said that it has been a great year. This year has had some great, wonderful, joyful moments, but along with those happy times, our family went through some very trying, sad, and tragic times as well. I have learned that most years are not going to be completely great, because sad and tragic things happen in life. A new year is coming quickly, and with this new year, Tanner and I have some hopes, dreams, and goals for 2015.

First, in last years end of the year blog I mentioned scripture memory. Well, to be completely honest, I managed to do well for the first couple of months, but then I stopped. Between school, a toddler, a husband, and life events it just got pushed to the side. So, this year I am going to try again! I am going to pick out my two verses each month and try again to commit myself to memorizing scripture. I also hope to spend more time this year in prayer and do a lot more Bible reading. Click here to read more!

Second, Tanner and I hope that at some point this year I will get pregnant. As exciting as it is to think about the possibility of being able to carry another baby (hopefully much closer to term), it is also so very frightening. This is where the scripture memorization and prayer will especially help me. Pregnancy is wonderful, but for me, it is also very scary. Although we hope that my TAC will be successful, there is still a good chance that we will have another premature birth.

Third, we are going to continue with Project Robby this year. We have not made our donation to Via Christi St. Joseph Hospital yet, but we will be doing that soon! It has been really good for me to have Project Robby. I have enjoyed it so much that you can plan on hearing more about donations and projects to help out other grieving families through Project Robby! Click here to join the Project Robby Facebook page.

Fourth, I am planning to do more blogging this year! I have several different blogs planned out in my head, and I am excited to share more of my life with all of those who are reading!

This year has been a busy year full of excitement, changes, and sadness. Tanner and I are so lucky to have such an amazing family that loves and supports us! We had some big decisions to make this year, and we are so lucky to have family that will support us in whatever we decide to do!

With each new year comes excitement for a new start, as well as sadness for another year that has passed us by so quickly. Here is to a new year! I wish for you all a year of love, health and happiness!

Happy New Year, from our family to yours!

Sharing The Month: Breaking The Silence

Today I received a message from one of my best friends asking me if I have Time Hop on my phone. Well, unfortunately I do not! This friend of mine told me that according to her Time Hop, seven years ago we were making t shirts together, but not just any t shirts, “Save the Ta-Ta’s” t shirts.

As I looked at those pictures I realized that "back then" the month of October meant two things to me: Halloween and Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It was such a big deal that I decided to join in on the awareness and make a fun t shirt with my best friend.

Wow! How things have changed!

Like I did seven years ago, most people think of October as Breast Cancer Awareness Month. My grandmother and great grandmother both battled breast cancer, so I am absolutely for finding a cure for breast cancer. However, October has become something more for me.

October is not only Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. October came to have a whole new meaning to me when infant loss became personal with our loss of Robby.

Over the years the “silence” has been broken about breast cancer awareness. Everyone has heard some of the hundreds of fun sayings like:

“Save the TaTa’s”

"Save Second Base” 

“Yes, these are fake, my real ones tried to kill me.”

Men, women, and children will all wear these shirts, join in on fun runs, and are active in supporting breast cancer awareness.

1 in 8 women are affected by breast cancer. 

1 in 4 women are affected by pregnancy and infant loss.

It is my hope that someday our society will be able to break the silence. We know that it can be done! Look at how far breast cancer awareness has come. It does not bother most people to talk about saving the “ta ta’s,” so why should it bother people to talk about pregnancy and infant loss.

We don’t have any clever sayings to help, just our plea. Please remember our babies this month. The babies who were loved, but never seen, the babies who were born sleeping into this world, the babies who were born but never got to go home, and the babies that went home but did not get to stay.

While saving the boobies this month please take a minute to help raise awareness for the babies. 1 in 4 women are affected by this, so chances are you know someone who has been affected by pregnancy or infant loss.

If you have not already heard about Project Robby, click here to learn more. 

Part of our mission with Project Robby is to break the silence about pregnancy and infant loss by giving grieving families something special to hold onto <3

Ellie Is Two

Two years ago today, our sweet little Ellie was born. She made quite the entrance into this world as a micro-preemie at 14 weeks early and gave us a big scare. For the longest time we wondered if she would live, but not only did she live, she is thriving and continues to amaze us each and every day.

This past year Ellie’s personality has really blossomed. She truly is her very own little person with her own opinions, likes, dislikes, and wants.

So, for Ellie’s birthday blog this year, I am going to tell you about Ellie and her personality.

Ellie is a blankie lover! After Ellie was born, a very dear friend of ours (Pat) sent her a special handmade blanket. Over the past two years Ellie has become extremely attached to it, and loves it very much!  She loving calls it her “Bee Bee” and the smaller version that Pat made for her is “Moo Moo” because we were calling it mini blankie. She will not go to sleep unless she has both ‘Bee Bee’ and “Moo Moo.”

Ellie is rotten!  After we found out that Ellie was a girl, my grandfather (Pop Pop) would say, “She is going to be so rotten that you will be able to smell her coming!” Well, he was absolutely right! Ellie is in fact extremely spoiled. She has four adults in this house (five on weekends since my brother spends a lot of time here) and we all tend to her every wish and desire, dote on her, adore her, and she certainly does know it!

Ellie is a giggle box! Ellie’s laugh is contagious! She doesn't just giggle, she has a full on belly laugh! When she gets going she just can’t stop! She loves being tickled, and will laugh and when we stop she will raise her arms and say “tickle tickle” or “more!”

Ellie is dramatic! Yes, she does indeed have a flair for the dramatics! One of Ellie’s “tricks” is that when we ask to see her pout lip, she can give it to us on the spot! Here are the stories behind the pictures below:

*She wanted to go outside instead of to bed.

*She didn’t want her “BeeBee” washed even though she had “Moo Moo” with her.

*We wouldn’t let her draw on the sofa.

and the in the last picture

*She is crying because we went to the zoo!

Ellie is a girly girl! Ellie truly is a “mini me!” Ellie loves princesses, purses, tutus, shoes/boots, lipstick, bows, dresses, tiaras, sparkly and glittery everything, dolls, Hello Kitty, the colors pink and purple, bracelets, shopping,  rings, and earrings. I have always imagined what it would be like to have a little girl, but Ellie is so much more fun than I ever imagined. When Ellie wakes up in the morning, the first thing out of her mouth is that she needs her “Nay Nay” which in Ellie language means necklace!

Ellie is a little sister. On October 15, 2011 I woke up and took a pregnancy test, which was positive. That was the day I found out that Tanner and I were expecting our first child, Robby. As many of you know, Robby was born at 23 weeks, and unfortunately did not survive. On October 15, 2012, exactly one year after I found out that I was pregnant with Robby, I woke up and as I was eating my second breakfast of the morning that consisted of a bagel, I went into labor, and that night Ellie was born. I absolutely believe that Robby has been watching over his little sister this whole time. This spring we realized that Ellie loves to spend time at the cemetery “visiting” Robby. Although Robby isn’t here with us physically, I know he is with us everyday watching his little sister.

Ellie  is a miracle! When I look at Ellie, I see a miracle. Ellie was born so early, and she was so very sick after she was born. When I think back to the time when she had pneumonia in the NICU I just want to cry. She has overcome so much in her short two years, and I just thank God every single day for her. She can be extremely stubborn sometimes, but when it starts to get difficult to handle I remember that her stubbornness is part of what got her through the NICU.

Ellie is opinionated! Ellie knows exactly what she wants. She knows what food she wants to eat, which clothes she wants to wear, and which toys she wants to get! Although I must admit that sometimes her having an opinion does make for some interesting outfit choices, I love that she is so opinionated and likes to think for herself!

Ellie is adventurous! Ellie has no fear! She is an absolute dare devil! She likes to stand up on her four wheeler while it is moving, she likes to climb anything and everything, and she loves to jump off of things! She will take off exploring our large backyard with Molly and you can tell she is confident and not afraid.

Ellie is blessed-!After Ellie was born, my mom started a Facebook page called Loving Ellie. Two years later there are still so many people who check in on Ellie through this Facebook page. We update about once a month and add pictures about twice a month. These people prayed for her, loved her, and encouraged us through not only her NICU and hospital stay, but through these past two years. To all of our Loving Ellie followers, thank you. Thank you for praying for Ellie not just then, but now as well. Thank you for being apart of our lives and for loving Ellie! Ellie is very  blessed to have so many people praying for her!

Ellie is a friend! Ellie is a friend, not only to Molly, but to someone else as well. This summer Ellie started to have weekly play dates with a little girl, Briar. Briar’s mommy and I were best friends in high school, and luckily for us, Briar and Ellie picked each other to be best friends! The girls have really become comfortable playing together and it looks obvious to us that they actually enjoy playing together (and eating cheetos and drinking juice together) each week!

Ellie is artistic! Ellie loves art, especially if it is messy! Ellie loves to paint, use glitter glue, draw with markers (or “doodle” as Ellie says), and use lots of stickers! She colors or paints and stickers nearly every day.  We all absolutely love to display our Ellie art!

Ellie is bossy! We say that she gets this trait from Nanny! Ellie will tell everyone what to do! She directs everyone to where they will sit, and what toy they will play with! She calls the shots on what she wants you to eat and who it is that will get her juice out for her! She even tries to call the shots on when everyone is “done” eating supper at night! She will go around the table and point to each person and say, “done!”

Ellie is bashful! Since Ellie was in isolation for so long, she really is not used to being around a lot of people all at once. While she was in the hospital, we could not really have many visitors, and once we got home, we had to be in isolation due to Ellie’s prematurity and chronic lung disease. During Ellie’s second RSV season, although we would allow people into the house to visit, we still had to be so very cautious, which meant that not very many people came. It really takes Ellie a lot of time to warm up to people before she will let her true personality show.

Ellie is full of love! Ellie has the sweetest kisses, the tightest hugs, and the most precious little pats. It just melts my heart when she will just come up behind me when I am sitting in the sandbox and give me a great big bear hug! There are truly no sweeter words than when Ellie says, “uh ooo” (Ellie’s version of “love you”)unprompted!

Ellie is perfect! The night Ellie was born, when I looked at her for the very first time, I didn’t see the black bruising on her head, I saw perfection. When she was sick with pneumonia I didn’t see the swelling from retaining fluid, I saw perfection. When she was on oxygen I didn’t see the nasal cannula in her nose, I saw perfection. When I was told of her brain bleed and what complications could possibly come from it, it didn’t matter because I knew that no matter what she was perfect. When Ellie’s eyes were crossed because of ROP, I didn’t notice it because I saw perfection. When I look at the scars that are still on her chest and heels from surgery and blood draws, I see perfection. Ellie is perfect, absolutely, 100% perfect in every single way.  

Everyone says that children grow up so fast and that time passes by so quickly. Although I have always known this, as I put Ellie to bed for the last time as a one year old, it really truly hit me that my sweet little baby is growing up, and it is happening  very quickly. We only get one chance. One chance to enjoy and savor each and every moment of Ellie’s childhood because in the blink of an eye, another year has passed.

"You will never have this day with your children again. 
Tomorrow they’ll be a little older than they were today. 
This day is a gift. 
Just breathe, notice, study their faces, and little feet.
Pay attention. 
Relish the charms of the present.
Enjoy today- it will be over before you know it. "

In Robby's Honor

I have decided to share some very personal pictures of Robby in this blog. Two of the pictures I have not shared before, but due to the reasoning of this blog, I felt compelled to share them now. They were taken the day that we buried our sweet little boy. I realize that these photographs might be upsetting to some people, so for this reason I am making this disclaimer.

At the beginning of this year, Tanner and I decided that we wanted to do something in honor of Robby. We weren't sure what or when, but we knew that this year we wanted to do something to recognize and honor the memory of our precious little Robby.

Since Robby was born prematurely we considered doing the March for Babies here in Wichita in April, but with Ellie still being in isolation during that time, we decided that it would be best to try to honor Robby that way a different year.

Robert James Smith was born at 23 weeks, 0 days  gestation. He was 1 pound 4.4 ounces and 12 inches long. He was a tiny little guy, but he certainly was perfect.

This is a picture of Robby during his two hours of life wearing his lovingly handmade pale blue hat. It was still too big for his small  head but we were so very thankful for it. Whoever took the time to make it will never know how much we appreciate this tiny little hat.

We weren't prepared for Robby to be born so early. Although I was in the hospital for 5 days in labor, the thought did not ever occur to us to prepare for him to be born, and then die. It wasn't until my body made me start pushing that I realized that I was truly going to deliver my baby, only to hold him while he died. In the moments leading up to that I wasn't thinking about getting someone to bring our camera, and I wasn't thinking about how we did not have any tiny blankets, itty bitty clothes, or tiny hats that would fit our baby boy.

Luckily, the hospital where Robby was born , Via Christi St. Joseph, had an amazing staff of labor and delivery nurses. Every single nurse that I had was kind and caring. They did not ever tell me that I was nuts for trying to keep Robby inside of me as long as possible. They did everything that they could to help me be as comfortable as someone can be when in active labor for days on end.

I will not ever forget the nurses that I had leading up to Robby’s delivery, but I especially won’t forget the nurse that actually helped me deliver him. She was the nurse who wrapped him up and gave him to me to hold.  She is the nurse who weighed him and look his length. She is the nurse who went out of her way to find a special hat for him that was small enough to somewhat fit his perfect little head. She was the nurse who I handed my baby boy over to when it was time for him to leave for the funeral home. She was the nurse who brought me warm chocolate chip cookies from the cafeteria the next day.

Thanks to that special nurse, Robby had a small little hat that came as close as possible to fit him considering his very small size. It was a tiny, pale blue, hand crocheted hat that was obviously made with love. Although it was still very big on him, we thought it was perfect. When it was time for me to give Robby to her so that he could go to the funeral home, I wanted to send him with his little hat that looked so adorable on his sweet little head, but at the same time, I wanted to keep it. That nurse went back and found a second tiny little hat to put on Robby so that I could keep the one piece of clothing that my baby boy wore. It is the only physical piece of Robby that I was able to leave the hospital with.

I have a bucket full of clothes and blankets at home that I had to pack up. These were clothes that I bought with the intention of Robby wearing someday, but that did not happen. Robby was born so quickly and unexpectedly that we did not have time to pick out a special blanket for him to be wrapped up in after he was born.

The blanket that Robby was wrapped up in was huge. Sadly, it was not a special blanket, or a soft blanket, or a cute blanket, it was just a plain and very standard hospital blanket.   

Before I continue on to the main reason for this blog, I would like to first make a plea, to all of my photographer friends out there, especially those here in Wichita.

Not only did we not have any tiny blankets for Robby, but we also did not have our camera. The only pictures of Robby that we have were taken on our phones. I love the pictures that we have of our perfect little boy, but I wish we had more and I wish they were of better quality.  I wish I had pictures of his perfect tiny little features. Pictures are the only physical evidence that Robby ever existed. After Robby was born I learned about an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Photographers volunteer to go take photos of babies who have been born too soon, or who were born sleeping. When I recently went to the website and searched for our area I realized that the closest photographer in our area is located in a city that is 80 miles away.

I know that this type of photography must be very hard for photographers to do, and I know that not everyone can handle it, but I ask that all of my friends who are photographers take a minute to consider submitting to this organization. You could be the person to give a grieving family something that they will treasure for the rest of their lives.

To apply to be a NILMDTS photographer go here.

The only family picture that we have with our baby boy.

Here is what my family would like to do in honor of Robby:

We would like to collect 50 small hats and 50 small blankets to donate to the hospital where Robby was born in his honor and in his memory.

They can be any kind of blankets and any color! It can be a blanket that you crochet or knit. It can be a flannel or fleece blanket that you sew together. It can be any type of soft material that you would like it to be. If you are like me and can not sew or crochet, it can be a store bought blanket or even a small receiving blanket. What I did not realize before Ellie was born was that there are different sizes of receiving blankets. We had to buy the bigger size for Ellie’s mattress cover for her isolette while she was in the NICU, and if we brought in the smaller size, they were too small and did not fit.

When I called the hospital to make sure that this type of donation would be okay, the nurse said that they do not have these types of donations very often. This made me so sad to hear, because it means that if it were not for some kind person who made that beautiful blue hat, I would not have it to hold on to. I want to make sure that other mothers and fathers of babies born too soon, or babies born sleeping have a special something to hold onto.

I have set up an email address as well as a P.O. box that I will check regularly. I would like to meet our goal by the end of this year. I would like for other families to have a special blanket to wrap their babies in and I would like other families to have a hat that comes closer to fitting their baby who was born too soon. I would love to give families something personal to hold onto when they can no longer hold onto their baby. To be completely honest, for the first six months after Robby died I slept with his hat, and sometimes I still do.

Please help us honor Robby and his memory by sending either handmade or store bought blankets that are small or hats that are small enough to fit a tiny little head. Feel free to share this blog with anyone that you know. Please spread the word because we would love to meet our goal of 50 hats and 50 blankets.

Robby wearing a preemie sized hat and a preemie sized sleeper. They swallowed him up. This is an outfit/hat/blanket that I had picked out but not yet purchased. We had planned to bring Robby home in it. My brother so very graciously and lovingly went and bought it for Robby so he could be buried in it.

Measurements: Robby's hat was 4"x4", and was still very plenty big on him. Anything that size and smaller would be wonderful! I really don't think you could make a hat too small!  For the blankets, 18" x 26" would be on the small end, and 28" x 32" would be on the large end, so anything in that range should be perfect! 

UPDATE: I started a Facebook 

page https://www.facebook.com/rememberingrobby2012

RememberingRobby@gmail.com

Amanda Smith

P.O Box 783

Goddard, KS 67052