For All These Things I Am Thankful

This Thanksgiving is going to be bittersweet for me. As many of you know, we were counting down the days until Thanksgiving, because on Thanksgiving I would have been 32 weeks pregnant, and that was our goal. We had a countdown going on a dry erase board at home, and we planned on starting our Ellie shopping at that point.  I was really starting to get excited about all of the things I was going to buy for our baby girl.

When I went into labor our board said 38 days until Thanksgiving.

This is what I get for planning. I am starting to realize that my plans are not my own- God is in control, and no matter how much I plan and hope, things are in His hands.
So, I wanted to be thankful this Thanksgiving that I was still pregnant, but instead of dwelling on what I wish I was thankful for this year, I want to focus on what I AM thankful for.

I am thankful for Ellie. Although I wish that she would have waited a little bit longer to make her appearance, I am so thankful that she is here and doing well. I am thankful that we live in a day and age where a 1 pound 12 ounce baby cannot only just survive, but thrive as well. I love our little princess so much and we are so blessed to have her here with us, even if it is earlier than we would have liked.

I am thankful for the time we had with Robby. I wish that we would have had longer with him, but he was such a blessing to us.  When I got pregnant with Robby, my fibromyalgia went into remission, and that was his gift to me. Even though Robby isn't here with us, he lives on in our hearts forever and he will always be our little boy.

I am thankful for the year I had in remission. My fibromyalgia came back 16 days after giving birth to Ellie, but I had a whole year that we never thought that I would have. I had a year when I was able to dance, walk, hug my family, and hold my husband's hand without being in horrible pain. Even though it is back now, I am so thankful for that year that I had.

I am thankful for my husband, Tanner. This past year has been incredibly hard on the both of us, but he has been amazing through it all. He stood by my side during all of my health issues and is one of the most kind and caring people I know. I believe all that has happened has brought us closer together and strengthened our bond.

I am thankful for my parents. They have been such an amazing support system to me and Tanner. When we lost Robby, they were there for us to support us and help us through our hardest days. When I was pregnant with Ellie they encouraged us and gave us hope. Now that Ellie is here they continue to be here for us. My mom is up at the hospital with me each day.  She helps keep me calm when things are getting rough and helps to lift my spirits when I feel like things are hopeless. My dad comes up every day with a lunch for me and my mom. Some days he even makes us homemade pizza and brings it up for us because he knows that it is my favorite! They have been my rock this past year and I don't know what I would do without them. I am so very thankful for them.

I am thankful for my brother. He has been here for me and Tanner so much in the past year, and especially now. Justin lives only a few miles from the hospital, so he is letting Tanner, my mom, and me stay with him while Ellie is in the hospital. It is easier for me to leave the hospital at night knowing that if at midnight I need to go back and check on Ellie we are so close. He is even letting my dog, Barbie, stay at his house!

I am thankful for my grandma who has been cooking some of my favorite meals and sending them to my brother’s house so that after a long day at the hospital we have something nutritious to eat.

I am thankful for my friends who continue to check on me and come see me at the hospital even though when they make the trip up to the hospital they rarely ever get to see Ellie.  I can’t wait to be thankful for the day to come when all of our friends and family can see Ellie each time they visit!

I am thankful for the June Bugs. The June Bugs are a group of women that all have something in common...we were all due in June of 2012. We all went through the same pregnancy things around the same time and shared a bond that way. When we lost Robby, these women rallied around me and since then have continued to support me. Even though I am not technically a June Mommy, these women have continued to make me feel like part of the group, and this helps me feel like Robby's memory lives on.

I am thankful for my pregnant after a loss and pregnant after a late loss groups. Being pregnant after a loss is really hard, but having women who knew exactly what I was going through helped me so much. They were there to support me during my pregnancy, and they are continuing to support me now that Ellie is here. These women are so strong, and I am thankful to have such an amazing support group in them.

I am thankful for Dr. Hague. She helped get me further along this pregnancy than I did with Robby, and since we made it longer, Ellie has been given a much greater chance. I am so very thankful that she had me come in for appointments more than even necessary just to put my mind at ease. She is a wonderful person and I feel blessed that she was my doctor.

I am thankful for all the people out there who are praying, thinking about, and loving Ellie. There are so many people who I know online, in person, and people I don't even know who are praying for Ellie. I am so encouraged when I log on and see all of the clicks, comments, and posts that are being left for Ellie. She is so loved, and I am touched that there are so many people out there "Loving Ellie" and cheering us on.

I am thankful for some of the nurses who have taken a special interest in Ellie. It helps put my mind at ease when the nurse taking care of Ellie really knows her and what she likes and doesn't like. These nurses have been wonderful and very understanding of why I want to be up at the hospital with Ellie all of the time.

I am thankful for the families that we have met here at the NICU. We share a bond that is special because we are going through pretty much the same thing. We are all dealing with the stress of having a baby in the NICU. We all go through good days and bad days. We rejoice with each other on the good days, and encourage each other on the bad days. I am thankful to have made such wonderful friends.

So, my plan wasn't God's plan. I do not get to be thankful that I am still pregnant, but I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Thank you all so much for your support through Ellie’s NICU journey this far, it will be long, and I am so very thankful for each and every one of you out there praying for our little princess.