What I Didn't Expect When I Was Expecting

Before I got pregnant with Robby one of my best friends, Caitlin, told me that the movie What to Expect When You’re Expecting would be coming out soon and that we needed to go. Then, when I was actually pregnant with Robby I saw a commercial for the movie and thought it looked funny and I just knew that I would be going. 

A few weeks ago I saw the commercial again and this time I did not find it funny at all. The commercial I saw started out with a woman complaining about how it “sucks to be pregnant.” It is amazing how something can go from looking so funny to so upsetting within just a couple of months. 

I decided I needed to go ahead and see the movie. Since Caitlin and I had planned on going to see it together before everything happened with Robby, we decided that we would still go see it together. I figured worst case; I could make it into a blog!

So, if you do not want to read about what happens in the movie I would suggest you stop reading and read it after you see the movie.

***Spoilers below***

We chose to sit at the back of the theater, so that if I needed to I would be able to get up and leave without disturbing anyone.  The movie follows five couples in their journey to parenthood.

Couple #1-  A single woman over 35 who got pregnant unexpectedly, but her and the dad do end up together in the end. She was told she was having a boy, and then the baby came out as a girl. That is why I had them check to make sure Robby was a boy several times!

Couple #2- A couple who has been trying to get pregnant for two years and finally became successful after they decided to “take a break” from trying. She had always wanted to be pregnant, but when she was pregnant decided that “being pregnant sucks.”

Couple #3-  The father of the husband of couple #2. A younger woman with an older man got pregnant with twins without trying, and then rubbed it in couple #2’s faces.

Couple #4-  A couple who was unable to get pregnant even after four rounds of IVF, and have decided to adopt a child.

Couple #5- The youngest couple has an “oops” pregnancy and she miscarries the baby. We aren’t sure how far along she is when she miscarries but we know it was sometime after the first sonogram and before she felt her baby kick. 

I thought the movie was good at giving diversity as far as the couples who were expecting. There were several different problems that were talked about during this movie such as infertility, adoption, envying someone who is pregnant, miscarriage, and many others.   I knew going into the movie that they were going to portray a young woman who miscarries her baby.  I am glad that a friend had forewarned me about this because although I had a late loss, and I did not miscarry, it is still a loss and I was able to try to mentally prepare myself for this storyline.

I am glad they put the miscarriage in the movie because one in four women loses a baby, and it is something that we just don’t talk about in our society. I wasn’t thrilled about how they portrayed the miscarriage; they did not put very much emphasis on what happened or how she dealt with it in the months following. It also bothered me when she said near the end of the movie “I can try again when the time is right.” The couple didn’t ever talk about what happened, they just blew past it.  I know that they did not want this story line to bring the movie down. After all, this movie is a comedy, and there isn’t anything funny about a miscarriage. 

Since they weren’t a couple, something that wasn’t a concern for them was when they would be able to have a child after their loss. When we lost Robby there were a lot of emotions that came along with trying to decide when we could start trying again or when we wanted to start trying for another baby.  I think that since the couple in the movie wasn't really together or even dating that there wasn’t much dialogue between them period.  The only thing we got was “I wished it to happen, it is my fault.” After that there wasn’t much discussion about what happened. I guess in my opinion that just reinforced that most people don't want to hear about a loss and that we really aren’t supposed to talk about our loss. But, then again this was just a movie, and I was watching it with a very critical and emotional eye.

My favorite line about the miscarriage was when the guy who got her pregnant said that he missed her and she said “I miss me too.”  I can totally relate to that comment. I still don’t feel like the same person that I was before we lost Robby, and I have a feeling that I won’t ever be that same person again. So, even though I didn’t care for the way they handled the miscarriage, it is a movie, and since I have very recently lived through a loss I know that I can be overly critical about it. 

I was disappointed that the one woman who complained the most was the woman who had been actively trying to get pregnant for two years. I know several women who have been trying for a very long time to conceive and are now pregnant and I know that not one of them would ever dream of saying that “being pregnant sucks.” That line was meant to be funny, but it really stung me. Being pregnant is wonderful! Yes, the symptoms might suck, but pregnancy does not suck.  In the end this woman did realize that it was all worth it for her little boy. It took until her baby was in her arms, but she did finally figure it out.

The hardest part of the movie for me to watch wasn’t the miscarriage, but the labor. They portrayed the labor of each of the women as a funny thing, since the movie is a comedy, but when I saw those women having contractions it just took me right back to the day I gave birth to Robby. The things during labor that are supposed to be so wonderful; such as hearing that he is almost out, weren’t wonderful for me. Hearing the words “I see his legs” meant that my baby was going to die soon, not that his life with us was just beginning.  Seeing the actual babies on the big screen was difficult for me too. They are all so cute and I just wish I had a sweet baby to hold in my arms instead of just in my heart. This by far was the most emotional part of the movie for me.

There were a few funny parts in the movie. The woman who had been trying for two years was really funny to me (before she got all whiny about being pregnant). She had an app on her phone and at one point it went off and said “you are ovulating!” Caitlin and I laughed at this part because it sounds like me! Then, even though her husband needed to leave for work right then she told him that he needed to wait just a few minutes because it was time! When she did get pregnant she ran to find him with about six pregnancy tests that she had taken! Yes, once again we laughed out loud because that is very much like me. I go through ALOT of sticks....pregnancy test sticks and ovulation test sticks.

All in all, the movie was okay. I doubt I will ever watch it again. There were some funny parts, but not enough to outweigh the heartache for me. I see things in such a different light now. Maybe someday it will be different, but for now I think I will be staying away from pregnancy related movies.