As I come to the end of my first trimester, instead of feeling relief that I am now “safe” from miscarriage, I am feeling terrified of entering the second trimester. I lost Robby when I was in my second trimester- a time when I was supposed to be “safe.”
Although I am scared, I am also very happy that we have made it through the first trimester as it is one step closer to having what I like to call our “take home baby.” Being pregnant after having a loss you have to take one step at a time, one day at a time, and even though I am terrified of being in my second trimester, I try to be positive and look at it as being closer to having a live, healthy baby in my arms- a baby that we (hopefully) get to take home.
We had our NT scan on Monday and for the past several weeks before the appointment I was scared. This is so completely different than it was when I was pregnant with Robby. With him I was just so excited to get to see him at each and every sonogram that I wasn’t as scared. I was terrified that when we got there, Baby B’s heart wouldn’t be beating. Well, much to my relief Baby B’s heart was beating beautifully! Baby B had a perfect heart rate of 170 and we all got teary eyed at the first sight of Baby B moving around on the big screen.
The doctor's office was running over an hour behind, which was annoying to me because that meant that I had to sit longer with the 32 oz. of water in my bladder which I had to drink for the test and then hold it for an hour and a half! However, as soon as we got to see Baby B the discomfort faded and I didn’t mind so much!
The tech had a horrible time getting measurements because Baby B just wasn’t going to move for her! Baby B wanted to do his/her own thing and as much as the tech poked and prodded on my belly (and my very full bladder) Baby B just wasn’t moving in the direction that the tech needed. We were able to enjoy watching Baby B move....just not the way they needed for the test.
As I was telling the girls this story Abby said:
“Well, Baby B is clearly a girl because she was being a diva!”
|Baby B 12 weeks 3 Days|
I am still feeling really yucky all the time because I am on progesterone. My dad thinks it has nothing to do with the progesterone- he is telling people that it is because 2 females can't cohabitate in the same body and get along! Obviously, my dad believes that Baby B is a girl!
My weight has been dropping by a few pounds, so my doctor had to call in some nausea medicine for me. Smells really get to me; my mom can’t even make a baked potato in the house without me throwing up! Even as difficult as it is to eat, I love each and every sick moment of this pregnancy. I never thought I would thank God for feeling sick and throwing up! I just have a greater appreciation for the small things now. I am even grateful for the small, uncomfortable things (like the nausea) because they are a reminder that Baby B is still here and doing okay.
Sine I have so many food aversions I am having a difficult time eating anything, but currently the food I am able to keep down is Spaghetti O’s! I am also really craving bacon! I am also a big fan of movie theater popcorn with lots of butter and plain M&M's sprinkled in! Yum! I am working hard on keeping my calorie count up as well as taking in as many grams of protein a day as possible. I am thrilled that my "bump" has grown faster this time even with the weight loss. Tanner loves to fall asleep with his hand on my bump as it makes him feel close to our baby.
At this point in my pregnancy with Robby the only thing on my mind was finding out if the baby was a boy or a girl. I was thinking about the nursery theme and looking at clothes. I was in a happy La-La Land....a naive land where bad things don't happen. This time I can honestly say that I haven’t thought about if the baby will be a boy or a girl because it just truly doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters to us is that this baby is our “take home baby.” We are even considering not finding out the sex of Baby B until birth.
With Robby, we took a day trip to Oklahoma City when I was 16 weeks. It was a WONDERFUL day. We saw Robby, learned that he was a boy, and then went to the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate. We were hoping to do the same thing this pregnancy but my doctor informed me this week that this was not going to happen.
Since I don’t plan on buying anything, registering, having a baby shower, or setting up the nursery it just makes sense for us to consider not finding out the sex of Baby B until birth. It will be something different for us to do this time and I think it will be fun! I know there are some that won't understand that I don't want to do the "normal" things like set up the nursery or register for baby gifts, but I have to do it this way for me- for my mental health. Packing up all of Robby's things and putting them in storage was heart wrenching. We will make sure to have the necessities on hand for Baby B and all of the rest will fall into place.
The time is passing by slowly, but I am trying my best to relax, be calm and positive, and enjoy it. I would have given anything to get to stay pregnant with Robby longer, but instead I only had 23 beautiful weeks with him. This time I am not wishing my time away. I am savoring it- all of it.
Please keep me and Baby B in your prayers as we enter the second trimester.
|Baby bump 12 weeks 3 Days|