I had hoped that I would not be
writing this out so soon, and I had also been wishing that it would be a
different type of story. I hoped it would be a story of complete joy and
happiness without any fears or worries. I was hoping that I wouldn’t write this
story until after Thanksgiving. However, this story isn’t the worst birth story
that I have ever written because in this birth story my baby is alive.
On Monday, October 15, 2012, I woke
up feeling pretty good even though the night before I hadn’t gotten any sleep.
My hips were hurting from my rheumatoid arthritis, so I spent the night feeling
my precious little Ellie move all around. I now cherish that sleepless night
because that was the last night I got to spend time with her all alone moving around
doing her dances. That morning I ate some Capt'n Crunch, a bagel and cream
cheese, and messed around on facebook until about 11:40 when I had a
contraction.
I knew right away that this
was not good. I knew this was not a Braxton Hicks. I took a Benadryl in hopes
it would not be a real contraction, but in the back of my mind I knew that this
was it. We had been holding our breath for weeks and now it was happening
again. I put a call into my nurse to tell her what was going on. While I
was on with their answering machine I was frantically looking up the statistics
that Ellie could live at 26 weeks 3 days gestation. I found a website that told
me that our odds were 80-90%. By the time I hung up from leaving a message I
was having another one. So, I went to the bathroom and I found blood. By
this point in time my mom had called Tanner to have him come pick us up and
take us to the hospital. Tanner was at the house in no time flat and we
dashed off to Wesley. I went into the emergency room where they took their
sweet time getting me up to labor and delivery. They got me into a room and
insisted on checking me to see if I was dilated.
I really didn’t want them to check
me because I was worried they would speed things up, but I had to let them. I
was already dilated to a 2 and my bag was bulging. They immediately gave me my
first steroid shot to help develop Ellie’s lungs. When they gave me the shot
they told me that in 24 hours I could have another one and 48 hours from the
first shot we would have the full effect. I was so thankful that I had made it
far enough in the pregnancy to get the shot, but terrified that I wouldn’t get
both shots for the full effect.
While giving me the steroid shot
they started a magnesium drip to help slow the contractions down. I wasn’t able
to have one of these with Robby because I wasn’t far enough along. By this
point the contractions were getting worse, but I was able to breathe through
them pretty well while staying relaxed. The magnesium drip made me feel like I
had the flu. I got extremely hot and it was hard to breathe, but I didn’t care
what it made me feel like if it was going to help my contractions slow down.
Dr. Hague came to see me and told me
that she didn’t think I would deliver that night. She said that Ellie’s heart
rate wasn’t dropping any when I was contracting, which was a good sign. She
told me that I would stay down there in labor and delivery for monitoring until
my contractions stopped, then they would move me upstairs and by Thursday they
would send me home to be in my own bed. She seemed so calm and confident that
everything was going to be fine. Before she left she told me not to let ANYONE
touch me again. She didn’t want me to have any checks or even have a sonogram
until the next day.
Since I was having contractions the
hospital automatically sent over a NICU doctor to talk to us about what our
odds were and what would happen. By this point my dad and brother had joined my
mom, Tanner, and I so we were all present to meet Dr. Hsaio. I later realized
that Dr. Hsaio’s first name was Robert, so I like to think of that as a sign
from Robby.
He came in and told us that ideally
I would not deliver that night and that I could hold out until Ellie had
reached 28 weeks gestation. At that point her odds of surviving would go up to
98%. He went through what would happen at delivery and afterwards. He said that
they would have a team present at her birth to intubate her right after and I
might possibly be able to see her for a moment before taking her to the NICU
depending on how she was doing at birth. After that it could be a couple hours
before we would see her again. They would take her to the NICU and get her
situated. He then started talking about all the problems she could have
and the long road that it would be. Dr. Hague seemed so sure I wouldn’t
deliver, so I was only half way listening in hopes that we wouldn’t need all of
this very scary information.
While Dr. Hsaio was visiting with us
my contractions got closer together and I started to feel blood trickling down
my leg. I wasn’t too concerned about it because that happened with each
contraction that I had with Robby, and I was able to hold out for days.
However, when I told the nurse they got really concerned. They of course wanted
to check me and do an internal sonogram to see how dilated I was and to make
sure my placenta was still attached. I told them that they needed to talk to
Dr. Hague first since she had given me strict instructions to not let anyone
touch me again.
The hospital doctor told me that Dr.
Hague cleared it, but I was still extremely nervous so our super sweet nurse
had Dr. Hague call me herself to ease my fears. The sonogram tech came in and
did a quick sonogram to see what was going on. While she was doing the sonogram
I couldn’t help but flash back to when we had Robby. We got one last sonogram
to see him moving around before I delivered him. I was frustrated with the tech
because she wouldn’t let me see the screen, and the only thing I could think of
was that this could be the last time I would get to see my baby moving around.
So, thankfully my mom said something and the tech moved the screen and let me
see Ellie’s face on the sonogram machine. The sonogram technician left
and the doctor came in to tell me that the placenta was fine, but they couldn’t
see my cervix on the screen, which meant that I was fully dilated. However,
there was more news- Ellie was transverse. Instead of being head up or head
down she was laying sideways which meant that I needed to go back for an emergency
c-section. Suddenly, it truly hit me that I wasn’t going to get a chance
to keep Ellie inside longer. I didn’t have a choice now because if we didn’t go
back as soon as possible, she could die.
Almost immediately there were TONS
of people in my room getting me ready and about to wheel me back. They weren’t
sure if anyone was going to get to come back with me to the operating room
because of the situation.
I had the sweetest nurse, who was
actually exactly- to the day-as pregnant as I was. She had me and one other
patient, but she told the other nurses they needed to take the other one
because she needed to stay with me.
They were wheeling me back so
quickly that I didn’t have much time to say anything to anyone before I went
back except that I loved them. All I could think about was that my body had
failed again and that it was too soon for Ellie to be born. My mom and Tanner
begged our nurse to try really hard to get someone back in the room with me so
that I didn’t have to be alone while this was happening. I went back into
the operating room and everyone was extremely nice. They placed the epidural
and I almost immediately couldn’t feel anything from my chest down. The
anesthesiologist showed me that I couldn’t feel anything over a certain line on
my body by using a sharp object to poke me. After they placed the epidural I
went from crying that we hadn’t made it to Thanksgiving to laughing because I
couldn’t feel my legs back to crying again.
Dr. Hague showed up and my nurse
asked if my mom could come back and she replied “of course.” I don’t think I
could have handled it by myself. During my pregnancy with Robby and this
pregnancy the joke always was that if I had to have a c-section that my mom was
going to go back with me. Well, all joking aside, Tanner and I had discussed
what would happen if I did need a c-section and he told me that he would want
my mom to be back there with me. Tanner couldn’t handle being back there with
all the people and in a surgical room, especially in this emergency situation.
When he is nervous he can’t sit still, and when my mom came back wearing her
beautiful blue suit, they told her to not touch anything blue, which was pretty
much everything in the entire room. It helped just seeing her walk in because I
could see on her face that she wasn't afraid.
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| My mom in her blue suit! |
There were so many people there-
people for me and people for Ellie. Once they got started I could feel tugging,
but not any pain. The only thing I really remember about all of it was that
they had to tug really hard. I would later learn that she was stuck, so they
had to cut my uterus two ways- sideways and up and down. Dr. Hague told me that
means if I ever deliver again it will always be by c-section.
Delphine Claire Smith was
born at 10:02 P.M When she came out it was so loud in the room with all of the
people that I couldn’t hear anything, but they told me that she did let out
some cries. They worked on her for about 10 minutes and then they let me see my
precious little girl. They intubated her, but since she was breathing some on
her own they held her down by me, and my mom was able to get some pictures of
me seeing my baby girl for the first time. Then, they wheeled Ellie away and
Dr. Hague stitched me up. They were all talking about how big she looked and
they even started to guess what her weight would be. Dr. Hague was positive she
would be 2 pounds 2 ounces. My mom was guessing 1 pound 10 ounces. I was
praying that Dr. Hague was right because I know it increases the odds when your
baby hits the 2 pound mark before birth.
 |
| My first look at Ellie! |
Once I was stitched up I was wheeled
back into my room where I got to see Tanner, Justin, and my dad. We told them
how beautiful Ellie was, and then we sat and waited for them to come get Tanner
so he could see his beautiful daughter. Our nurse came in with Ellie’s stats
and told us that she was 1 pound 12 ounces and 13 and a half inches long. She
scored a 6 on her first apgar and an 8 on her second which they were extremely
pleased about! Finally about an hour and a half later they came in and got
Tanner, my dad, and Justin so they could go see Ellie. Since my mom saw her
earlier she stayed with me.
When Tanner came back I could see
his love for Ellie glowing in his eyes! He told us that he was able to put his
hand in the isolette with her and she grabbed onto his finger! Tanner then went
back with my mom so that she could see Ellie again. After that we got all
packed up from the room we were in and we headed upstairs to our new room. On
our way up to my new room Tanner and I were able to stop in at the NICU and see
Ellie. Since she is on an end they were able to just wheel my bed right up to
her bedside so that I could sit and look at her. We sat there for about twenty
minutes before I had to go. I cried the whole way back up to the room because I
just wanted to hold her and be with her like a normal mom and newborn would get
to do. Once they got me settled in the room, my dad and brother left, but
Tanner and my mom stayed with me. We had two beds and a chair. Tanner slept in
the bed and my mom started out in the chair. I ended up bawling all night
because it was night time that Ellie was the most active, and now not only
could I not feel her, but I couldn’t hold her or see her either.
 |
| Ellie is already a daddy's girl holding onto his finger |
My night nurse saw how upset I was
and insisted that she help my mom get me down to the NICU with all my wires and
iv’s.
I got to sit with Ellie for about an
hour and a half before having to leave again. Once again I cried when I left
the NICU. I still cry every time I leave the NICU.
Up until a week ago Ellie was doing
well for her age and size. She has recently developed pneumonia in both lungs
and has been diagnosed with Chronic Lung Disease and that is a big setback. The
doctors and nurses keep telling us that this is going to be a long roller
coaster ride, so to expect good days and bad days. I hate it when the bad days
come, but I just try to remember that this roller coaster ride is so much
better than the one we rode in February because that one only had “downs,”----
there were no “ups.”
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| Our first family picture |
As I said, this isn’t the type of
birth story I wanted to write, but the most important thing is that our sweet
little Ellie is alive.
It was mine and Tanner’s plan to
have several more children, but because they aren’t sure why I keep going into
preterm labor, we have decided that it would be best for me to not try to carry
another child, but I think that is a blog for another day.
Our goal is to have Ellie home by
the end of January, so we would appreciate all the thoughts and prayers we can
get! My mom started a facebook group for anyone who wants to keep up with
Ellie, follow her journey, and see her pictures. I don’t know how much time I
will have to blog, but Ellie's facebook group is updated several times a day
with new news and pictures.
For those of you coming in late and
would like to know Robby's story:
